a little bit more

now before you criticize the contents of this poem,
and think of things to say.
id like to tell you tis true to life
but you wouldnt believe me any way.

tis the story of a boy and girl,
and how life has changed them both,
a story full of friendship, full of hate,
full of darkness, full of hope.

it all started one fine autumn day,
freshmen year has just begun.
fresh faces were abound,
but i only saw one.

one who at first seemed quie quzzical,
quite shy but fascinating at first.
when you spoke to me
i never truly expected the worst.

frienship was all i expected at first,
something we gladly both shared,
we grew closer throughout the days,
no true happiness ever compared.

it was our second year when i saw
that you have become more than a just a friend
for in my eyes i blindly felt,
a silent feeling i cant defend

it was then when i first started,
to hope that not everything had an end
for i never knew this would happen,
but i fell in love with my best friend

i know it sounds cliche for now
but im telling you this
i was never planning for this to happen
though i was hoping to be his.

as the years progressed,
so my feelings grew
for i watched him grow into a strong willed man
and that was the moment i knew.

i had to tell him, i felt it fair
for i always told him the truth.
except for this tiny yet heavy secret
sweet nothings of pretentious youth.

i was there for every girl he liked
and every heartbreak that happened
always there to cheer him up
when his meager soul got saddened

always there for every girl
as i watched with a silent sigh
there to help him get the girl
then to help him say goodbye

i wanted to tell him
how i really felt
bu at that time i lacked the courage
twas a problem never dealt

i was afraid to take a risk
afraid to take the fall
for if it went wrong all was lost
friendship, happiness and all.

i kept quiet
and did what best friends do.
how i wished he could wake up from his daze
how i wished he only knew

until the time when the night was high,
prom night was drifting away
all the twinkling lights in the night sky
all the dresses that swooshed and swayed.

at this point everyone knew
everyone else but him.
for he never saw the mask i wore,
the hoping face behind the grin.

this is when it all started
when i finally learned to fly
for what seemed like an eternity
time just suddenly stopped by

while we were dancing
under the dark starry night
i told him how i felt (i dont know why)
then i pushed him away and ran away crying

we reached the point of no return
when everything went wrong
for noone can ever forget that moment
forever etched into the song

i dont know why i did that,
i dont know why i ran.
i guess i was expecting him to run after me
i guess i expected thatt i t had began

nothing went back to normal
nothing was ever the same
for what was once one soul in two people
was like one never came

he never looked me in the eye after that
always seemed to run away
this was when i broke down and cried
myself to sleep evry single day

i dont know why id did that,
i never expected to.
it was merely a slip of the tongue
something i would surely rue

although now were talking
i know it will never go back
to the days we once had together
twoo wolvesin our own pack

we never talk like we used to
limited to maybe yes and no
i never got to explain
all the things you did not know

im sorry for shocking you
im sorry for disturbing
the silent peace you had in your mind
sorry to have your head turning

so maybe not every story has a happy ending
but then again i never knew
how he really felt about me
what if he loved me too..

i guess i could never know
unless i really wait
until things go back to the  way it was
then maybe you could appreciate

the little things i did
to make sure you always smiled
and at the same time contain my feelings
to stop it from going wild.

i hoped for the best and didnt quite expect
what would happen next
i never knew love was never easy
too hard it is and complex.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
forgive me XD

(c) katrina tiu :)

the ties that bind us

friends. family. loved ones. significant others. casual aquaintances. strangers. to each person in this world we have a certain relationship towards them. may it be mutual or the other way around. we are connected to each other whether we like it or not.

family. the solid backbone of a child's future. the foundation towards an individuals road to success. it is here where children first learn to differentiate right from wrong, weak from strong and it is here where they learn to fight for what they think is right. acting as the first school, they hone their basic everyday survival skills through the help of their ever supportive parents. unfortunately, parents rarely ever understand the needs of a growing child to branch out on his/her own. my case for example. born the middle child in a family of three in a well-to-do chinese family, i am expected to surpass the intelligence of my siblings and become the best in everything possibly achievable by the standards of our dear alma mater. unfortunately, unlike my siblings and the rest of my immediate family, i was not born academically gifted and was never really knowledgable in every way. although i do belong in the honors class of our school, my GPA is still considered relatively low by the likes of my parents,grandparents, aunts and uncles. i am considered the black sheep of our family (this is what i get for being born into a family of over achievers). never excelling in anything, i am virtually shunned at every social gathering i am forced to attend. and because of this i am constantly at the other end of my parents anger tantrums. constantly being screamed at and being called names by the two people whom i thought would be the ones to prevent such things from happening, i felt lost and alone. its not a good feeling being screamed at by your parents on a daily basis. no matter how much you try to explain that you really did do your best unfortunately it didnt really work out, they never listen and treat you like a slave and constantly remind you how you will never succeed in your dreams and how much of a disappointment you are to your family. yup those are the kind of parents i have. but dont get me wrong,i love tthem with all my heart and more its just that they dont understand.

friends. defined simply as one attached to another by affection or esteem. they are the people who stick by you through thick and thin. Friends dont have to understand, do you favors, hold your hand, care for you, give you courage and see you through. friends dont have to be butt they do. they are the people who you share a special kind of love with. the kind of love that is merely felt and shown through random acts. spending time with them just basically erases out all the problems. 

A true friend walks in when the whole world walks out. this blog, however, shall remain unfinished due to the lack of things to write. sorry for the inconvenience. i was just bored (c) katrina tiu :)